Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
