her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize