in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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