remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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