mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
