I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
