Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there's paper in my vomit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
