I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
