Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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