i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize