I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
