just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
