everyone is single if you try hard enough
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
