yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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