What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize