Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
