its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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