that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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