yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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