If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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