eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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