my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
