I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
