the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
