I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
