Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize