it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize