She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
