well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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