What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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