she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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