So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i came on her dog
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
