And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
