When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize