john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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