I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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