College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
