sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
