My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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