just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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