I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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