nut hugger
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
