oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
