and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
