Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i can't believe i had my finger in that
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
