i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
