Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
