I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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