how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
