Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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