She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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