When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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