I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
