You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
