Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
