I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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