i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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