Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
