babies were throwing up all over the place
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
