Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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