from now on my penis is your penis
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
