I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
