just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Every concussion has its silver lining
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
