good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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