In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
