I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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