Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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