the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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