remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
