Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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