What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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