i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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