I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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