Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
