if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
