she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
