fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
