tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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