Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
