I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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