his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
