I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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