Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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