Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
