can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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