I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
