I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
