Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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