I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
