Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize