hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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