Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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