I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think people are normalizing furries
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
